A disconcerting realization

I dislike fashion. For the most part. I enjoy seeing the creative and beautiful creations that designers send down the runway, I really do. I think it would be amazing to be at the front row of fashion shows, experiencing the artwork first hand. I almost wish that’s where those clothes would remain. I wish we didn’t have to talk about them as clothes. Because then they lose something. I hate the fashion magazines telling me to wear this or that. I hate the pages full of trends. I hate the shopping suggestions telling me to buy $700 shoes and a $2000 bag. I hate the aristocracy. I hate Anna Wintour. Once she walked by me in Bryant Park and I was paralyzed by her presence. But now all I can think is that she is one arbitrary voice in a sea of voices and why does hers matter more than mine? Because she’s been doing it for decades? Because she’s the editor of Vogue? Damn Vogue. I don’t give a shit what Vogue says. I’ll look at their pictures and fawn over the beauty of their editorials, but really, there are photos that are just as magnificent on flickr done by people like you and me.

I guess I’m saying this because I’m a grad student in fashion journalism and I don’t want to do it anymore. I don’t want to be a quitter because I’ve never quit anything before, but I don’t like this field whatsoever. I don’t want to tell people what trends they should follow. I don’t want to tell people they should buy $700 shoes because I can’t afford $700 shoes and I bet you can’t either. I’ve only been in class for just over a month and the intensity with which I dislike my classes is something I’ve never known in academia before. I’ve been a pre-med student before and loved all my bio and chem classes. I’ve been and art student before and loved the studio and art history classes. I’ve sat in on my friends’ sociology classes and loved them. I like school a lot. Which is why this is so troublesome to me.

I guess the only reason it’s troublesome is because I know what I want and the debt I’m going into because of these stupid classes that I’ll probably drop/fail out of will keep me from doing just that. It eats me up on a daily basis. If I could go back 45 days and re-do it, best believe I would. So it goes.

*edit:  I'm taking classes online, which I think is making things worse than they are.  I am very bad at multitasking and focusing on classes that I don't physically have to attend is extremely difficult.  I think I'm might just drop out of the one class I feel is most useless to me at the moment and try to soldier on through the other two and bring my abysmal grades up.

I am agreeing with much of what you guys are saying in the comments, I think I might elaborate on my thoughts in a subsequent post.*